Far Beyond the Lake of Stars
by HopelessParanoidRomantic
Summary: Um...Dib reflects? I dunno. Does anyone ever judge a story by a summary anyway?


    (AN) Don't ask me what this is. The beginning part of it just popped into my head, and then I kept typing until it was all out. I don't know if it's just an idea that needed out, or if it's supposed to mean a great deal more. I think it's the only time I've ever written from first person like this. I don't know if it flows well, because I just wrote it as I thought it. I may expand on it or add to it, or I may not. Everyone can feel free to leave reviews and comments, though. Maybe you all can figure out what it means...      **Far Beyond the Lake of Stars**

    Here we are - senior year of high school. I've been fighting Zim for at least 6 years now.     Okay, who am I kidding. It's been 6 years, 285 days, and about 1 hour. Yeah, I kept track. I know that's pathetic, obsessive, even a little insane, but I still did it.     Things have changed so much since we began. A few years ago, I stopped trying to convince people. I still want to know about the paranormal, and I still feel a need to protect people from it, but I honestly don't care if they know anymore.     Since I stopped ranting, people have stopped insulting me so much. They aren't nice or anything. They've just stopped insulting me. Mainly they ignore me, and I ignore them. I walk around at school sometimes thinking that I'm the only one in the building. The other people are merely computer images or illusions. They have no real personality, no meaning.     Then there's Zim. He's the only other real being in the school. Still here, after all these years, still trying to take over Earth. I'm not completely sure what's going on with him...     Sometimes his plans are incredibly clever. There were a few that I almost didn't catch. He uses more subtle techniques, and he understands human nature better. He realizes they don't know anything about him, and they wouldn't care if they did. One year, just to spite me, he came to school on Halloween without his human disguise. He was complimented for his great alien costume. He grinned at me throughout the entire day.     There are other times, however, where he seems to have gotten less careful, less focused. A few of his plans would have won if not for stupid little mistakes that he made. True, he always made mistakes, but these were different...     One time, he developed a large magnetic device that would pull at the Earth's own magnetic force, causing the planet to battle itself and turn slightly onto it's side. That would result in massive weather changes, extinction of species, and who knows what else.     I hadn't gotten there in time, and the machine seemed to be working fine. I tried to climb up the giant thing, but it's side was too smooth to get a foot-hold. I backed away, looking for some alternative plan. Then I heard the noises. I looked up to see Zim standing there, staring down at me. For a moment, my eyes were locked on his, and it seemed like the whole world froze as I wanted with every atom of my body to know what he was thinking.     It then occurred to me that the machine was making louder and louder noises. I blinked, and Zim turned away. He began working at the console, then reached for a button. He hesitated, then slammed his hand down on it. The machine began to vibrate, but the odd thing was Zim. He was so totally calm, almost like he knew what was coming.     The machine blew up. I fell to the ground, covering my face as bits of metal flew past. A few of them cut through to my skin, but I was basically okay. I glanced up to see Zim's body flying through the air. It hit the ground and bounced a little.     When the smoke started to clear, I stood up and walked towards the alien. He was just lying there, not trying to get up or anything, but when I got to him, I could see that he was completely awake.     I stood there for a while, just watching him. He never once looked up. He just stared at the ground, blinking occasionally.     Finally, I bent down and asked if he was alright. He said no. I asked if there was anything I could do, and he again replied no. So I sat down. I waited for two hours, just sitting beside him. Then he stood up, brushed a little dirt off, and walked away.     I never did figure out what happened between us that day... 

    Last year, Gretchen asked me out. At first I told her no, but then I got to thinking how lonely my life had been. I mean, what was I waiting for? Some beautiful, super-intelligent woman interested in the paranormal to just walk up and declare her love for me? It would be stupid to waste a life looking for something like that. Besides, I've never been one to feel that beauty should be judged by the outside.     So the next day, I talked to Gretchen. She was thrilled that I had changed my mind, and she tried to spend the whole day with me. She found it pretty boring, so she talked on and on about movies and music and clothes and the other girls at the school. I just listened to all of it, trying my best to understand her concern with matching shoes and a dress. It just didn't work. I kept thinking 'There are hundreds of galaxies out there to be explored, and she's here talking about her hair.'     So I finally asked her, "What do you think about alien life?"     "You're still into that?" she asked in disbelief. I told her I was, and she took a deep breath. I guess since I'd stopped ranting, she assumed I'd stopped believing.     After a long silence, she told me she really didn't care about something as silly as aliens or ghosts or anything like that. I replied that I was sorry, but I really couldn't care about something as silly as boy bands and fashion.     Needless to say, our relationship was over by the end of the day.     The strange thing was, Zim watched us all through that day. I even noticed him following us down the halls. When school let out, he came right up to me and stared at me in the most serious way. I just looked back with the detached expression that never seemed to leave my face anymore. When he was satisfied with whatever he was doing, he let out a little puff of breath.     Taking that to mean we were done, I walked down the steps. Zim followed me. He never said a word, just walked with me all the way to my house. When we got to the driveway, he stopped for a moment, then turned and walked towards his own house.     When I got inside, Gaz made some crack about me and my alien boyfriend. To tell the truth, I think I would rather date Zim than Gretchen. 

    I skipped school today. I just decided I couldn't go, couldn't listen to them blab about nothing while ignoring the truly interesting and useful knowledge, couldn't look at all the other kids running around and laughing and talking. People have told me that if I would just try to be social, if I would just talk with others, then I would realize it wasn't that bad. Then I would be happy.     It's true that I'm not happy the way things are, but I wouldn't be happy with the other kids either. They just aren't like me. I'm not like them. I wouldn't be any happier there than I am here. Maybe it's just my lot in life to be depressed. Maybe it's one of those chemical things, and if I got medicine, I'd be perfectly normal and happy like everyone else.     Actually, they tried to put me on medicine for depression. I refused. I'm eighteen now, so they can't really make me. I just can't accept a false happiness. Even if this mood is caused by some chemical deficiency or whatever, I still feel it's me. It's how I feel, and I don't want it changed just because everyone else says it should be.     Once, they tried to put Zim on medication. He had been screaming in school again, banging his head on the desk, stuff like that. It was just his way. He gets worked up.     The doctors saw it different. Some thought he was hyperactive. Others said he was psychotic. They all wanted to pump drugs into him to fix it. He ran from them, and bumped into me. For some reason, he must have felt I was his best hope for help. He told me what had happened and waited for a response.     I gave him my only solution - trick the doctors. Zim needed to act more normal in school and in sessions. Then the doctors wouldn't have a strong enough case for anything. Zim looked at me like I was insane. He demanded to know how that was to be accomplished. I told him I could help.     And so, for the next month, we spent our afternoons together. We talked about the behaviors we had to stop, why they needed to be stopped, and how we would do it. That last one was the most disturbing. We decided on aversive conditioning. I even made a small shock collar. Everytime Zim started to yell, I shocked him. When he started to break things, I shocked him. If he threatened someone, laughed too long for no reason, or ranted about pitiful earthlings, I shocked him. At first I found it amusing, but then I saw how much it upset him.     I started feeling guilty. I was no better than the doctors who wanted to change him. I told him I was sorry and that maybe we should stop, but he insisted that we continue. He said he wouldn't go on medication and that he wouldn't be turned into a sluggish Earth-being. I could sympathize.     So we continued. Occasionally, I'd smile when he jumped from a shock. I always said I was sorry, though, and I really did mean it. Sometimes I'd pat his shoulder, or rub his back, just to let him know I didn't want to cause him pain. Maybe I'd just grown soft since I started chasing him, but I think the thought of experimenting on him now would have made me throw up. He had become more real to me than any other person, with the exception of maybe my family, and that was only out of a weird sense of obligation.     Anyway, our session turned out a success. Zim was still Zim. He still ranted and screamed when he wanted to, but he'd become aware of when he was doing it, allowing him to control the behavior in certain situations.     Before he left, he asked if he could shock me. It was strange, but I only hesitated a little. Then I said yes. He snapped the collar around my neck and took the little control. With a somewhat evil grin, he flicked the switch.     It wasn't extremely painful, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. When he flipped the switch off, I rubbed my neck, mumbling "that hurt". He flipped the switch again, and I jumped back a little as my neck twitched. He then turned it off, chuckling to himself, and handed me the control.     The doctors were amazed at the changes in their problem student, and I couldn't help but feel proud at having helped to trick them. I often think that my helping Zim hadn't been so much about helping Zim. It was just to get back at those fucking doctors. They were a higher representation of those who had made my life hell, those who insisted I should change, insisted I was wrong, delusional, and insane. They were ones like my dad, interested only in "real science". What they really did was take a wonderous thing like the human mind, and everytime some new phenomenon or way of thinking popped up, they called it abnormal, said it was a chemical problem, and prescribed medicine. They studied the mundane, and if anything didn't fit, they pumped it full of drugs until it did. God, I hated them. 

    I've been sitting here all day now. It's getting dark, and I can see the stars coming out. I'm in a fairly nice little park. It has a pond, and I like to see the night sky reflected in the water. Makes it feel closer, and it gives the same invitation. Just dive into the stars. I'm gonna do that someday. Actually, I already have. I used Tak's ship to explore some of space. Too bad the ship was trashed in a little accident about four years ago. I haven't been able to fix it. But I will. Someday...     As I look out over the water, I can see the lights of the city dotting the skyline. All those little pinpoints, almost as beautiful as stars...and there's the fire..     Wait..Fire?     I stand up, squinting to see the flames licking upward into the night. Strange, that's the area of the school...     "I burned it down." Zim's voice says. I jump a little in surprise and turn around. He's standing there in a hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans. He stopped wearing his invader outfit a few years ago so kids would stop beating him up for it.     "I had to." he continues, his voice strained in pent up anger. Even now I can tell how tensed his body must be. "I couldn't let it stand anymore."     "shit.." I whisper, not really sounding as bothered as I probably should be. "You didn't do it while everyone was in there, did you?"     "...no.. I waited until they all left." His voice sounds as if he's unsure whether to be proud of that - or ashamed.     I feel the tenseness in my stomach go away, although I wonder why he didn't try to kill everyone. It seems that would be better for him.     He sits down at the edge of the pond and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.     "It looks better like that." he says quietly.     I sit down next to him, marvelling at the fact that the scene does look so enchanting, almost ethereal.     "Do you think they'll catch you?" I ask. He says he doesn't know. He almost sounds like he doesn't care.     I slide closer to him. Our side are touching now. I tell him that if the cops ask, I'll say he was with me all night. He doesn't respond.     Slowly, I lean against him until my head is resting against his. He doesn't seem to mind. Both of us just keep watching the school burn, far beyond the lake of stars. 

--------------     I realize the part with Zim's 'shock treatment' is a little weak. There's just something I'm not getting quite right there...     I have this odd feeling that this fic was just all about the mundane, with the everyday lives that people lead without ever thinking of anything more. It isn't that there's anything wrong with a normal job and family, with just coming home and downloading anime and watching TV....but to never hope and wish for more, to never even wonder? That's what I find wrong with so many people..Show them a sky full of stars, and all they will say is "That's nice, but we're about to miss American Idol."     Well, I guess I found my meaning in the fic...and the reason why I wrote it in first person... I also have this odd idea in my head - Probably comes from Furi Kuri - about, as I call it, "divine destruction". A way to cleanse something, free yourself from it. It's been showing up in some of my other ideas as well...     Anywhoo...thanks for reading. This was more for my own benefit than anyone else's, I think, but...well...I dunno. I don't really have anything else to say as of right now..     Except this - I do not own Invader Zim. *sigh* But I can dream.... 


End file.
